A Woman’s Mind Full Monty — Whitney Cummings

On Sept. 4, Whitney Cummings will have completed her twenty-eighth orbit around the sun at the breakneck speed of 67,000 miles per hour. Happy almost-Birthday, Whitney! And she’s moving almost as fast as she explores the inner space of comedy and the universe of laughter. Hot, smart and ready to roll, Whitney Cummings has a couple of fabulous TV weeks coming up: this Sunday, Aug. 15, she will participate in “The Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff” and, debuting Saturday, Aug. 21 on Comedy Central, her one hour special; “Whitney Cummings: Money Shot.”

AmericasComedy.Com had a chance to talk with Cummings about her journey into comedy, the art of comedy and . . . a little bit more.

I don’t think a  lot of people know that, not only are you beautiful, you are smart. You graduated magna cum laude, didn’t you?
“I did, from Penn [University of Pennsylvania]. I’m not really smart, I’m just a dork. I didn’t really have anything else to do but study. It wasn’t like I’m some crazy genius, I just have OCD and I worked my ass off. Anyone who worked as hard as me could have achieved that, as well.”

Didn’t you do some TV where you were reporting on a kidnapping and made a comment, “Who would kidnap this kid?”
“Oh, shit! I should really never talk out loud. Yeah, this was the moment I realized I should be a comedian. I was interning at NBC as a journalist and  they gave me this opportunity to read the teleprompter of the local news to make a reel.  I just realized that I find horrible things hilarious — the feed was about some kid who had gotten kidnapped and raped. You know, local news is like a Doug Stanhope set. It’s terrible. They showed a picture of this boy, this chubby kid, and I said, ‘Who would rape him?’ So, it was this horrible moment where I was like, ‘Oh my God! I’m not particularly good with serious. I’m emotionally dyslexic. I find horrible things funny, so I guess I should probably get into comedy where it’s a little more accepted.’”

So you took on comedy. I noticed you tried serious acting in college but chose stand-up, even though it is the hardest art to master.
“It’s definitely the hardest thing, but if you’re a comedian, the hardest thing is not doing comedy. It is hard, but it is the one thing that you’re emotionally equipped for. People come up to me after shows and say, ‘Oh my God, I could never do what you do. Stand-up is so hard.’ I’m like, ‘Oh, what do you do?’ And this one guy was like, ‘I’m a brain surgeon.’ I’m like, okay, ‘So, you cut into people’s heads while they’re awake and you think my job is hard?’ There are a lot of jobs I would be terrified of.”

We’ve interviewed a lot of comedians who were just blessed and became successful early in their career.  But you followed the path of a lot of comedians, where you went to LA and did enormous amounts of open mics and showcases.
“Yeah, I did it, but I think that it’s very important. My favorite example is Bill Burr at the opening of  the ‘Opie and Anthony Tour’  [‘Opie and Anthony's Traveling Virus Comedy Tour’], so that was one of those things like ‘the work never goes away.’ Some coach said that ‘there’s no human force as powerful as the accumulation of hard work.’ Bill Burr going out and opening up . . . he wasn’t just funny that night, that’s twenty years of fucking hustling at the Cellar and doing five spots a night.

I mean it’s the same thing you see with Letterman, when Letterman did that kind of genius thing with Joaquin Phoenix, it just wasn’t that he was funny that night. That’s from years of Comedy Store crowd work. So, it’s all that work, although it’s frustrating — you know that people hate that they have to put in all this work — but it always pays off. One of my favorite things Johnny Carson ever said (I’m basically an accumulation of smart quotes), ‘No joke ever goes unused.’ So, a ‘B’ joke, a joke you wouldn’t tell on stage, all of a sudden is an ‘A’ joke, if you say it extemporaneously in an interview or on stage. Every joke you ever write is going to be used at some point. All that work pays off in one way or another, whether it’s in twenty years when you’re doing a talk show or whatever. It’s good to know that that work is not all for naught.”

You said that you could bomb in front of three people and, with the same jokes, you can entertain an entire theater . . .
“So all that work . . .  When people ask me advice and it has been a year, it’s like, just get on stage and figure out who the fuck you are. Every second you’re on stage, you’re breaking deeper and deeper into who you are, what your voice is and what the fuck your real opinions are. So just get on stage and fail. You need to fail for a couple years and figure out who you are. You need to bomb with great jokes. All that stuff will get you closer to what you really have to say.”

Take me a little bit through your creative process. What’s the impetus of a good bit that you do and how do you craft it and work it?
“It’s funny. I was just doing an interview [prior to this one] and  it’s interesting when people describe your act to you. She said I had a surgical approach, which I found really interesting, because I kind of do, in a way. I start with something that pisses me off or something that haunts me. It’s like Louis C.K. said, ‘If you think about something more than three times a week, you have to write about it.’ So, I usually will start with whatever I am frustrated with or pissed off about or obsessing over.

That’s what comedians are, we’re obsessive and we’re analytical and we’re haunted by dumb shit. I mean, Jim Gaffigan talks about Hot Pockets for an hour. No one else gives a shit about Hot Pockets, but he’s possessed by them. So, whatever possesses you.

I will sit down and I will not edit myself. I will just write everything I think about it, so I just broke up with my boyfriend . . . it will be like everything, even if it’s not funny, and then go in as a joke writer and kind of craft things in some sort of the science and math of jokes. And then I’ll go on stage and some of the really good jokes won’t work and some of the not-so-good jokes will. And then I’ll figure out why. Normally, the honest, passionate things get better response than the crafted jokes because what’s honest and real and what resonates with people is what works. Then I’ll basically cut-out all the smart jokes I wrote and try to stick with the raw nerve and raw feelings because what I’m learning more and more is that I think I started more as a joke writer — jokes, jokes, jokes — and anyone could tell and now I’m realizing that the next stage for me is just be more honest and say what I really think. You know Louis C.K. doesn’t write jokes, he just says the things that he thinks that no one else has the balls to admit. It’s this cathartic, amazing, holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-he-said-that, type of thing and it’s brilliant, you know. So, I’m moving more towards that. But I have to go through the process of writing hard jokes because that’s what makes me feel safe and comfortable.”

You’re having a great couple of weeks, I mean, between your “Money Shot” CD, the Hasselhoff Roast on Comedy Central and your birthday’s coming up . . .
“I am. The Hasselhoff roast is on Sunday, which actually I can go on record that I wrote for two roasts and performed on the last one [Joan Rivers] and I can honestly say that this is the best roast so far, which I didn’t expect.”

Then, my special [‘Whitney Cumming: Money Shot’] is the following week. Usually,  when I’m listening to a set that I did the  last week, I’ll cringe and am just full of regrets. This special — everything in it — I am just so proud of and so believe in.  Everything was just perfect. I guess my whole thing with stand-up now is that there is so much fucking stand-up that doesn’t say anything. It’s just like, ‘Hey, fuck … bluhh, Twitter.’ It’s just like, ‘What are you saying?’ Comedians used to say things. They used to change cultures. Having a comedy special would actually mean something.

Comedians are really fucking important. The most important newsmakers today and opinion-formers, the most influential people, aren’t politicians. They are comedians like Jon Stewart, Louis Black, Chris Rock and Bill Burr. These are people who actually matter and have a voice. Comedians have that responsibility. A lot of specials now that I see are just like, ‘Oh my God, bluhh-dee-bluhh.’ I’m just like, ‘What are you saying? Say something!’ With this special, I made sure to edit out anything  that didn’t matter or really meant something. I wanted to do a special that mattered. And, I think I did that. I focused on really important, really honest stuff that was embarrassing and as raw as possible. So, I’m really excited about it.”

You were the first female comedian to go overseas to the Middle East?
“Yeah, how weird is that? I did a tour in Dubai and Lebanon and I’m going to go back this fall to Egypt, Jordan and a couple other places. It was really cool. Comedy is what unites us. The one thing every culture does is laugh. I went over there and expected it to be really oppressive — especially, since all my jokes are about balls, sex, and jerking off. I thought, ‘Oh my God, am I going to be able to say all this stuff?” And they were so supportive. They were so into it. It wasn’t repressive at all. It wasn’t restrictive. It was really an amazing time.”

Were you performing for our troops or the country’s citizens?
“It was for the citizens. The real Dubai is an amalgamation of the surrounding Middle Eastern countries, sort of like Vegas. The censorship they have is more about religion and government. You can’t really fuck around with that, but, as far as sex and stuff, they were totally awesome about it because they’re ready to be seen differently. Actually, the next thing I want to do is write about my experience going over there and how wrong we are about them. I want to put it in my next hour. I think that’s important. No one’s talking about that.”

Some comedians keep introducing new material and edging out the old. Some do a whole new hour every year. What’s your process?
“I definitely want to do a new hour this year. I’m going back on the road again tomorrow and I’m starting pretty much from scratch. Doing small clubs is great, you can get a better read on material and mess around with new stuff. Again, it’s like stand-up is honest. So, if I’m not talking about what I’m going through right now, it just doesn’t feel honest or real. My old hour was ‘I just broke up with this guy . . .’ but it has been seven months and I’m not going through that anymore. I’m in a different place. I see comics who have been divorced for three years and they’re still going, ‘My wife . . . my kids . . .’ It’s like, ‘Wait. You’re not married anymore.’ I just couldn’t do that. I would blow my brains out. I think that you can see through that. Audiences know when you are being honest and that that is ultimately funnier than when you are just trying to say a joke. So, personally, it’s not fulfilling to me to go through the motions of old material. If I’m not having fun, they’re not having fun.”

So, have fun with Whitney this Sunday on the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff and on Aug. 21 when “Whitney Cummings: Money Shot” premiers on Comedy Central at 11:30 PM ET/PT 10:30 CT.

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