Andy Woodhull’s ‘Lucy’

When I hear Andy Woodhull I close my eyes and hear Mike Birbiglia’s less whiny cousin, and jokes reminiscent of Daniel Tosh’s oft extended one breath tangents. His material seems to center around the theme that he is an overgrown kid trying to fit into the real adult world.

Off the bat, Andy observes that there are three manly things about him: “I can fix a flat tire, I drive a stick shift and I pee standing up.” Andy goes on to talk about the stalwart braggadocio with which he had to use the first skill on a bleedingly cold 7 degree day. Or at least that would be the case had he not owned the unmanliest of all clothing items, mittens.

When it comes to other manly things the first thing you might think of are balls. Now because this is a family website we’re going to talk about cake balls. Cake balls are not the result of neutered cakes that can no longer birth little baby muffins (one of the comedian’s craziest tangents). In fact they are cake trash. After hearing the process of making them from the baker Andy reflects, “That’s how good cake is. Its trash goes for three dollars a bite.” You got to admit, even humans don’t have that kind of moneymaker. Well they do, but usually you have to stick things in it after it’s done shaking rather than eat what comes out of it.

As any budding male will experience, Andy relates a few ex-girlfriend issues. He tells of this one girlfriend who really liked Twilight. One of the reasons she likes Twilight so much is because the main character is the only girl whose thoughts the main vampire can’t read. So it makes her unique and the whole situation romantic or something. As absurd as that sounds to us real men he says, “I get why the vampire wants to date the girl whose mind he cannot read because I can barely listen to everything she decided to say.” The ultimate downfall for guys who are really vampires is having to listen to a “stream of garbage” whilst knowing that “you’re a vampire so you can’t even kill yourself.”

Andy hits his stride when talking about online dating. Particularly the woeful and embarrassing pitfalls of the subject. “My friends convinced me to try internet dating so I tried that. Everyone says their friends convinced them. Everyone’s a liar.” Andy speaks on the inadequacy complex that seems to stigmatize online dating when asking, “Ok so what’s wrong with you?” One of his dates complains that too many men are assholes and leave once they have sex. I can’t tell you all what happens in between, but I can tell you it ends with him leaving after being called an asshole.

So you know what? Go buy this asshole tri-manly being’s CD called Lucy. It’s being released by Rooftop Comedy on May 15 and since you’re about to get out of school you can treat yourself early. And if you, unlike Andy, are a real man with a real job then you probably need this even worse because I hear the real world has no sense of humor.

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