Sacramento Comedy's Favorite Tweeters

Twitter gets criticized for being little more than a venue for celebrities to publicize even the most fleeting, inane ephemera of their lives. Admittedly, this criticism is frequently apt. Before she mysteriously deleted her account (!), pop sensation Miley Cyrus was among the world’s reigning micro-bloggers with well over 2 millions people following her every twat. (Get you mind out of the gutter, that is the correct past tense form of “tweet”) What kinds of things did she choose to communicate given her influence? Here’s a small sample of her work:

Gonna eat some ice cream and then watch a little Peter Pan!

Watching Beauty and The Beast Why can’t I be more like Belle?

Just bought WAYYYYY to much music on iTunes. Someone stop me!

Vain? Yes. Pointless? Yes. But does it really reinforce America’s bizarre celeb-worship culture? Also, yes. Hmmm, I forgot where I was going with all this…Oh yea. My point is that while high profile babblers like Cyrus and Ashton Kutcher may have ruined twitter’s reputation in the eyes of culture at large, many comedians have used their 140 characters to advance the ancient art of the witty one-liner. From the crude to the absurd, here are Sacramento Comedy’s favorite tweeters:

Sarah Silverman – http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman

There are few things in this world as inherently funny as a cute girl saying outrageously filthy and offensive things.  (Rapping grandma’s and water-skiing squirrels are up there) Her tweets may suffer because we don’t get to experience her pixyish delivery, but they still make me laugh.

Sample Tweets:

It sounds like a crude joke to say I exploded from my father’s balls & out his penis hole, but it’s true. Amazing to think I was so thin..

I’m hungry. Like, I’m getting super peckish. But it humbles me because I realize like, this is what life’s like in Darfur all the time.

Lying in bed with my mom watching Letterman & there’s honestly nowhere I’d rather be. O fuck she just started snoring. eww!

I keep confusing 9-11 and 7-11. Gotta stop going to ground zero for Nerds Rope.

Wouldn’t be AS disgusted if the nazis HAD to kill Jews- like in order to live- or if they used THE WHOLE JEW, a la native americans w cows.

Doug Pound – http://twitter.com/douggpound

A writer for the fabulous Tim and Eric show and occasional stand-up, “DJ” Doug Pound might be my top underground tweeter. His tweets are pun-heavy and oftentimes border on “anti-comedy” (a “so lame they’re good” kind of thing).

Sample Tweets:

BluRay, Bluetooth, Avatar – a few examples of Robert Johnson’s broad influence.

I get bi with a little help from my gay friends.

Gotta say, this Taco Bell diet is really working. You can sure lose lotsa weight via diarrheeeeeee brb.

Santa went green this year. Instead of my usual block of coal, he gave me a solar panel.

Is it ok to give Beggin’ Strips to panhandlers?

Todd Barry – http://twitter.com/toddbarry

Much like Miley Cyrus, Todd Barry’s tweets are predominantly about the minutia of his day-to-day life. Unlike Cyrus, Barry’s are (intentionally) funny. Fans of his deadpan and self-aggrandizing stand-up act go nuts over his tweets.

Sample Tweets:

I don’t mean to taunt all you “hoarders” out there, but I’m about to throw out a container of expired grapefruit juice.

Just had a surprisingly brief conversation about cheddar popcorn with two dudes I don’t know.

Guest on Nancy Grace very proud of her “now that Tiger has shown his real stripes” comment.

Went to Kmart earlier. They were selling mugs that said “I’d Tap That.” I don’t know…seems more like something you’d see at Pottery Barn.

Woman in line at Trader Joe’s asked me if I work there. I said “not yet.” Made her day with my hilarious answer.

Michael Ian Black – http://twitter.com/michaelianblack

Michael Ian Black has amassed a long and impressive comedic resume. He’s been a crucial part of shows like The State, Viva Variety, Stella, Michael and Michael Have Issues, as well as a not-too-shabby stand-up act. For better or for worse though, Black is probably destined to be best known as the stand-out riffer on VH1’s I Love The 80’s (and 70’s and 90’s and 2000’s). His pop-culture quips translate easily to the tweet genre.

Sample Tweets:

Watched “The Cove,” a devastating documentary about dolphin slaughter. It made me cut way back on my dolphin consumption.

Today I am giving blood to help people in Haiti. Fortunately, it’s not my blood I’m giving.

Birds are going crazy at our bird feeder. Who knew they would like KFC so much?

My small tin of popcorn came from the Boy Scouts. Didn’t want to order the large b/c I thought that might seem kind of “pedophilish.”

People are asking for my net worth. It’s hard to say because all my money is invested in old pancakes, which is a VERY volatile market.

Mitch Fatel – http://twitter.com/mitchfatel

If there’s one thing that I learned about this comic while perusing his tweets, it’s that he likes to have sex with women. One-liners have always been a dish best served crude, and this guy keeps ‘em filthy.

Sample Tweets:

Things i have in common with Jesus: We both like to bike ride. His robe always gets caught in the chain, hysterical.

Saw a 9 year old boy at airport holding a teddy bear and when his mom wasn’t looking I mouthed the word pussy to him.

Just got one of those colon cleanse things, I feel amazing. Wasn’t expensive either some homeless guy was doing them with a hose for a buck.

Famous quotes from Mitch’s life; Response to girl who said “You can have sex with me while I’m watching TV but I’m not into it” Mitch: “Yes”

Staring at girl with fake breasts at airport as she’s “pretends” she’s uncomfortable. Now security asked me to put my pants on. PC bullshit.

Eugene Mirman – http://twitter.com/EugeneMirman

The world’s premiere Eugene-named entertainer is no slouch on tweets. One look at his absurdist tweets, and it’s easy to see why he surpasses even the great Eugene Levy.

Sample Tweets:

1st time watching It’s a Wonderful Life. Playing a drinking game where I drink when someone Asian comes on. So far, no luck.

Guy in dreads & red jumpsuit covered in paint said we need to run naked in the streets to change the system. Easy stance for him to take.

Kid crying at ATM ’cause her pacifier fell, imagine how upset she’ll be when she discovers we’re unjustly in Iraq.

On my way to take my cat to the vet. I hope they can put his balls back.

Just wanted to thank CNN for the opportunity to text my views on 9/11 to them. Lucky for me my views are under 140 characters!

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