Ralphie May Is Living The Dream!

An AmericasComedy.Com Interview

You may not think that the name “Ralphie” is something you would call a390-pound man. But, in the case of comedian Ralphie May, it’s just fine. May, 38, who was named one of the “Top 10 Comics To Watch” in 2008 by“Variety Magazine,” was given that nickname as a young boy growing up deep in the heart of the south.

May, who will be performing his two-hour show Thursday at The Crest Theatre, likes to tell people that his shows are about two hours in length for a reason.

“My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job,” he chuckled, “and then factoring in insurance, taxes and such, they’re maybe bringing home $15 per hour. If my tickets are just under $30, it took them about two hours of their life to make the money to come see my show. Why shouldn’t I give them two hours too? That way I am not any better than anyone else.”

Born in Chattanooga, Tenn., Ralphie didn’t have it easy. Like so many famous comedians, May knew he wanted to be a stand-up comedian by the time he was 9. He performed at talent shows at 13, and before he could establish himself as a serious performer at 16, May was involved in a life-changing automobile accident.

“I broke 14 bones in 64 different places and was in a coma for 10 days,” he explained. “Yeah, it still hurts! Now, whenever it gets cold or it’s about to rain, I think I’m gonna die.”

But can May usually turn any personal challenge into part of his act?

“Without a doubt. More importantly, it has provided me with empathy. I think that that is a necessary trait to being a great communicator, and to be a great stand-up you need empathy for others. Put yourself in different people’s positions, that way you can see the angle from inside the joke rather than from the outside.”

May learned his craft by performing at open mics and showcases throughout the southern states. Was that “southern” environment different from, say Los Angeles, Chicago or New York?

“Oh yeah, without a doubt. There was a lot less competition. I started doing stand-up in 1989 in Arkansas. I was only 17, attending both high school and college at the same time. I was doing open mics and showcases when I won a radio talent show and got the opportunity to open for Sam Kinison. It was on Sam’s advice that I moved to Houston to pursue my career.” He then added,

“When I performed in Houston, I realized that it wasn’t really a ‘southern’ town. It’s a Texas town and has a different feel. It’s a melting pot and one of the most diverse cities in the world. It was great just being a kid from Arkansas to be around so many different types of people.

“What was weird, though, was that when I got there, I was still only 18, (and) the white clubs wouldn’t really work me that much. I started my stand up at mostly ‘urban clubs’ like the Comedy Showcase and the Hip-Hop Comedy Club, opening for people like Steve Harvey. It was crazy.”

One of May’s most recognizable physical features is his weight. From a top weight of almost 800 pounds, May has had gastric bypass surgery and is committed to diet and exercise to keep his weight under 400 pounds.

“I’m half the man I used to be…” May sang as I pointed out that he has lost more than another person in body weight.

May appeared on the VH1 reality fitness show “Celebrity Fit Club” during its first season. During the two months he appeared on the show, May lost 78 pounds of fat, 18 inches around his waist and gained 24 pounds of muscle.

Those impressive numbers came with a certain amount of physical damage, however.

“I tore two tendons in my foot, and I gave myself an eight-inch hernia, but still it was great. It hurt, and the subsequent surgeries weren’t fun, but it really helped me and gave me a lot of new (nutritional) information that I never had before. As soon as my foot heals up, I am going to hit it again and lose more weight in 2010.”

May had stated when he was hovering around the 600-pound mark that there were two goals he had had regarding his weight loss. Riding a bike with his wife (then girlfriend) and going surfing. We asked how he was doing on attaining those goals.

“I ride a bike with my wife at our home in Nashville, and I am about 150 pounds away from surfing.”

May and Lahna Turner, his wife of five years, both perform stand-up. They have homes in both Los Angeles and Nashville. I wondered whether he stays home to take care of their two young children, a daughter, age two and a half, and a son, almost 1, when his wife was working and he wasn’t.

“We have a nanny, and she usually goes with Lahna because our son is still breast feeding. But most of the time, we like to tour together.”

May and Turner’s senses of humor didn’t stop when they had kids. Their daughter’s name is April June May, and their son is August James May. We wondered whether those names corresponded to the months that they were born.

“No, August was born in June, and April was born in September.”

Does having a family and two young kids affect your material now? Does it keep you from being as edgy as you have been? I guess what we are asking is, are you making diaper jokes now?

“NO! If anything, I am probably edgier now. People always ask me if I am going to be a family comic now and tone down my rhetoric and my bullshit. But I’m like, ‘Why?’ First of all, I can’t do family jokes like Mr. Cosby. Mr. Cosby has been doing that family shit for fucking 40 years. He’s covered every fucking angle on jokes that deal with the family. When a comic is talking about family, if you don’t think you are ripping off a joke that Cosby has done over the years, then you have to be retarded. Bill did it all.”

May exploded in popularity in 2003 after taking a highly protested and controversial second place behind winner Dat Phan on NBC’s freshman season of “Last Comic Standing.”

Many people believed May was ripped off for the title win because he and fellow comedians Rich Vos and Dave Mordal were very mean to Phan when they were all cooped up in the “comic house.”

May laughed. “I don’t think that Dat Phan robbed me of anything. NBC picked the winner. You can spin it anyway you want to. You can say that the people picked the winner, but what they were shown was at NBC’s discretion. NBC chose to show Rich and I busting Dat Phan’s balls, but we busted everybody’s balls because we’re ball busters. That’s what we do. But Rich is one of the sweetest people on the fucking planet.

“Dat Phan kept on wearing the same fucking clothes over and over and over again. Rich finally asked him, ‘Don’t you have any other clothes?’ and Dat, very meekly said, ‘No, I don’t.’ Rich was mortified and just said ‘Holy shit! Are you serious?’ and then Rich passed the hat and we all pitched in and collected $100 and bought Dat Phan a new set of clothes. Nobody ever said that, and NBC never showed that. It would have made great TV, but nobody shared it because they wanted to control the outcome.

“I was told by Jay Mohr, (the MC for the first season) that if I didn’t get a standing ovation each week that NBC would throw me out. They didn’t know what to do with me. You never see anyone at 650 pounds on TV. But, in trying to finagle the competition, they actually did me a favor. They galvanized my fans to be loyal and fight for me and become active and motivated and buy my albums to prove everybody wrong. And it worked. That is why my first album, ‘Girth of A Nation’ went platinum.”

We wanted to know how the opportunity to do “Last Comic Standing” came about.

“I had worked with Jay Mohr at ESPN Sports, writing and producing his show, ‘Mohr Sports’ in 2002, and Jay said, ‘I’ve got this show called ‘Comic House’ I’m working on, and you should do it.’ Then, 15 months later,  I was working in Honolulu at The Laugh Factory when he called me on a Thursday. He said, ‘Dude, I need you to audition for this show called “Last Comic Standing” on Saturday.’ Hey! I’m working, I told him. You don’t need me to audition, you know my work. But he told me that everything had to be above board with no favorites because NBC was involved.

“I looked up the cost of the flight back to Los Angeles, and it was over $800, and I didn’t have it. I was broke. My girlfriend said, ‘I believe in you, and I think you can do this. You should just go and do it.’ So when I told her I didn’t have the money, she just said, ‘I’m not going to let you miss this
opportunity just because you don’t have the money. Here, put it on my Dad’s credit card.’ Now, her rent was $900 a month, and she just spent almost an entire month’s rent on a charge card because she believed in me. The funny thing also was that her parents hated my guts!”

You married that woman, right?

“Yes, she is one hell of a woman. I would be worthless if I didn’t have her in my life. I would be a piece of shit. She had my best interests and believed in me when no one else would, including me. She’s amazing!”

That belief paid off. After his “Last Comic Standing” participation ended, May appeared on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and was the first comedian in more than 10 years to receive a standing ovation. He also appeared on most every late night show to rave reviews.

May has released three comedy albums to date, with his most recent, “Ralphie May: Austin-Tatious,” released on DVD and CD in May 2009. It was recorded live to a sold-out crowd at the Paramount Theater in Austin, and May is due to appear with Neil Patrick Harris and Amy Sedaris in the new movie, “Best and The Brightest,” later this year.

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